Unplanned Pregnancy – Part Four

Links to Part One, Part Two, & Part Three are at the bottom of this page.

Having been given the first three family profiles to review, DiDi suggested that I might want to think about telling my parents about the adoption. She said that she would be there with me to help me tell them if I needed her to be. As it happened, my mom was home that day, so with DiDi’s help I told her about my plans for placing my baby for adoption.

Honestly, it wasn’t all that dramatic. But the burden of my secret was lifted. It felt good not to be keeping it to myself anymore. Again, no big discussions with my parents about the matter.

Now, it was time to choose a family for my baby. This was a task I did not take on carelessly. I considered it to be the most important decision I would ever make for my child.

Regardless of how far I had fallen away from my Christian roots (God had spoken to me, but I was still crawling out of my self-made pit), as the one choosing my child’s adoptive family, I had specific desires for the upbringing of my child. I wanted my child to be in a professing Christian home. That was first and foremost. The first three profiles I had been given presented a real challenge to that desire.

It wasn’t just that the religious backgrounds of the families were different than my own. There seemed to be several areas of concern about which I would need to reconcile before I could choose the family. From income to personal values to child-rearing perspectives to how they viewed the birthmother; there was a lot for me to sift through, process, put into long-term, life-affecting perspective, and to finally surrender to a decision.

After much contemplation, I chose a family. I called DiDi and she called the family. It hadn’t come easy. But with the decision having been made, I was at peace with it.

A few days later, DiDi arrived with some bad news. All my hours of contemplation and resignation had been for naught. The family I had chosen, had already adopted a child through another agency. (I was told that those who can afford to do so, will sign with more than one agency to raise their chances of adopting sooner.) With that news, I was back to square one.

DiDi knew I had exhausted the first 3 profiles, so she brought me 3 new profiles to review. The first two profiles did not give me a lot of hope. For starters, they were pushing the line of unacceptable on the religious-side. I didn’t need this decision to be any more difficult than it already was, but difficult it was.

Then there was profile #6. When I flipped to the last profile in this new batch, I was a bit perplexed. It was the first profile DiDi had shown me some two and a half months prior. I asked DiDi why they were in here when another girl had chosen them in February. She told me, the other girl had given birth to a boy and this family specifically wanted a girl. As I would come to find out they had waited 4 years for a baby and were willing to hold out for a girl. (The mother had already raised a son.)

I’m fairly certain that DiDi thought my decision would be over the minute I saw their profile. Surprise of all surprises was that I wasn’t so quick to make that decision. It had been an emotionally trying time sorting through family profiles and wrestling with the decision of choosing a family for my child. In fact, within a few days, I had asked for another batch of family profiles.

I now had 8 family profiles before me and only one that fit my desires for my child.

Still, I wrestled. I sorted. I sifted. I underlined. I red-inked. I wrote notes. I asked questions (like “Could I live with this?”). I read the profiles until I had them memorized; faces and details.

DiDi said to me one day on the way to my OB appointment, “You know you want to choose them.”


Story Links:

Unplanned Pregnancy – Part One
Unplanned Pregnancy – Part Two
Unplanned Pregnancy – Part Three

Part 5 coming soon!

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6 thoughts on “Unplanned Pregnancy – Part Four

  1. Pingback: Unplanned Pregnancy - Part Five « The Mom-O-Sphere

  2. Pingback: Unplanned Pregnancy - Part Six « The Mom-O-Sphere

  3. Pingback: Unplanned Pregnancy - Part Seven « The Mom-O-Sphere

  4. Pingback: Unplanned Pregnancy - Part Eight « The Mom-O-Sphere

  5. Pingback: Unplanned Pregnancy – Part Nine « The Mom-O-Sphere

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